I have just been listening to a short extract from Bishop TD Jakes, and he talks about Finding Yourself.
Bishop TD Jakes said we are all here for a purpose, and if you care for a person with Dementia right now, that is your special purpose, if you are looking after a child with downsyndrome, or autism, that is your purpose, if you are going through Cancer right now, again that is your purpose. You have been chosen to deal with the situation you are in because you have the skills to deal with it, sometimes you just don’t know that you have. You may think the situation is too much and become exasporated , but know this, GOD will not give you more than you can bear. Deep….
That is so, true.
I have gone through being the one to look after a person with Dementia, I have gone through a marriage break up, I have gone through realtionships breaking down, I have gone through health challenges, I have gone through financial challenges, we all do at some point in our life go through challenges. But know that this is what they are, challenges.
At the time we are going through our tribulations and trials, we may cry and curse and say why me…. but know this, ultimately YOU were chosen, remember it is not about you, it is about who you can serve, who you can help in the overall bigger picture, once you get through, because ultimately you will get through, it is just a matter of time. What I have learnt in my life so far is that it is never about us, but when we are going through the storm, we can only think about us….
We do not know sometimes, what our friends or co-workers or colleagues are truly going through in their lives, we do not know the demons they are battling, or the strain or stress that they are going through. Often the ones who smile at you, and listen and encourage, are those who are going through the darkest times. I know because this was me….
Let me get personal and let you into my world for a bit….
When my Mother (God rest her soul) was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia, I thought WHY ME….. I was so selfish. I was thinking about myself, how at the age of 48, I had just began to get my life back, get used to having a social life again, begin dating again, as my kids were now grown up young men, and I could live life without worrying about baby sitters, when I was told the news of my mother.
For me, from the age of 20 when I left home, I was a carer – looking after a boyfriend, later Husband, then Children, to after 20 or so years being free for a few short months, then being a carer again for my Mother.
However after getting over that part of my life, I reflected on the timing of all this, and came to the conclusion, I was meant to look after my mum, I had the empathy, the patience, the love to care for her no matter what. Because, if she had been diagnosed when my Father was alive, he would not have been able to cope with looking after her. He did not have the empathy, or patience, or even maybe the understanding of what her illness would entail. So it was left to be my purpose. What I learned from looking after my Mother with Dementia has truly changed me as a person. It has also changed most of my family who were there to experience it first hand.
I have gained so much more patience and perseverence and understanding, it has made me more aware of other peoples view points and circumstances, because for a person with Dementia, normal every life can be so frightful and confusing. What may seem normal to us, is strange and out of place for someone with Dementia.
What can seem weird to us, is actually normal in the eyes of someone with dementia, because they slowly lose the concept of ‘things’ everyday tasks such as washing, dressing, sleeping and eating. Things we take for granted! I learned to look throuigh another person’s eyes, asking questions and listening to their answers, trying to get into their world. All this was the outcome of looking after my Mother with Vascular Dementia.
The whole experience of going through looking after my Mother was a life lesson for me. What started as looking like a ‘curse’ ended up as me being eternally gratefully that it was a responsiblity that was given to me. It has helped me in my personal and professional life to learn more about individuals, making contact and building trust and relationships. To cherish what you have NOW, to appreciate the relationships you have and build peaceful lasting ones.
So each of us has a purpose, that will lead to to other things you are not currently doing or even think of right now, for some it may take time to find, but in finding your purpose can lead to much more….
So I want to ask you what lessons have you learned from going through trails and tribulations in your life?
Did you find that they helped you and others like you?